Reflection 9: The Five Love Languages & divine intimacy

Written By Swaady Martin

Dear Pilgrims,

Yesterday, I finally said yes to an invitation that had been patiently waiting. My dear friend Yanick (who is part of our pilgrims’ community) had been wanting to take me to Hillsong Church for months, but with the church nearly two hours away and my energy often tender and low, I kept postponing.

I had a feeling it would be an enriching experience. I’ve wanted to visit Hillsong for a few years now, ever since their music became part of my spiritual playlist.

As the voices lifted in praise, so did the walls around my heart. I softened. I wept. I allowed. It reminded me how held I truly am. I was cracked open in some of the places where I still hold a lot of fear.

There’s something profoundly healing about being in a space where people are unafraid to pour out their love for God, uninhibited, unashamed. There’s a way that collective prayer amplifies God’s presence and sharpens our inner hearing, a kind of spiritual resonance that helps us tune more clearly to the frequency of the Divine. That was certainly true for me yesterday.

The preacher briefly mentioned The Five Love Languages by Christian pastor Dr. Gary Chapman, a familiar framework I’ve found very useful in my romantic relationships. The purpose of knowing the five love languages is simple yet profound: to love and be loved in a way that truly lands, deeply, meaningfully, and unmistakably.

Each of us gives and receives love differently. By learning the love language of someone close to you, you begin to love intentionally, not just instinctively. It’s also powerful to recognize how you most feel loved. Understanding love languages gives you a toolbox for deeper connection.

As the preacher invited us to raise our hands for our primary love language, my heart wandered down its own path, asking:

  • What if these love languages could help us become more fluent in divine intimacy?

  • What if the way we long to give and receive love in human relationships could reflect how we experience and return love with God?

That gentle wondering became the seed for today’s reflection, which continues our Lent theme: Meeting God, where and how our friendship with the Divine deepens.

So today, I want to share with you what emerged from that experience, a beautiful way to deepen intimacy with God. The Five Love Languages can be reimagined spiritually as a way to explore how God loves us and how we can love God back.

While originally designed to help human relationships flourish, these five languages can also serve as spiritual pathways, sacred channels through which love flows between us and God. We’ll look at the five love languages in how God speaks them to us, and how we might return that love in our own unique ways. How do we love God more intentionally, not just instinctively, and allow ourselves to be loved by God more intentionally in return?

With Love always,

Swaady

With Yanick Labuthie

With a Hillsong Church Hostess

  • Have you ever loved someone deeply, yet they didn’t seem to feel it? Or felt unseen, even when someone was trying to show you love?
    That disconnect might not be about how much love is present, but how it's being expressed.

    Dr. Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages framework helps us understand the different ways people give and receive love. Each of us tends to have a primary language that makes us feel most loved. The beauty lies in discovering not only your own language but also that of those you care for, so love can truly land where it’s meant to.

    Here are the five:

    1. Words of Affirmation

    Love is felt through spoken or written words. Encouragement, compliments, appreciation, or simply saying “I love you” can mean the world to someone whose love language is this.
    It’s not flattery but sincere, intentional words that affirm the heart and soul.

    “Your presence lights up the room.” “I believe in you.” “Thank you for all you do.”

    2. Acts of Service

    For some, actions speak louder than words. Whether it’s cooking a meal, running errands, or helping with a project, doing something helpful becomes an act of love.
    This language says, “I see what you need, and I’m here to support you.”

    It’s selfless gestures that lighten someone else’s load.

    3. Receiving Gifts

    This isn’t about materialism but about thoughtfulness. A meaningful gift says, “I was thinking of you.”
    For someone with this love language, a small token (even a handwritten note or a flower picked on a walk) can feel like a treasure.

    It’s the meaning behind the gift, not its price, that touches the heart.

    4. Quality Time

    Love is spelled T-I-M-E. Undivided attention, shared experiences, deep conversation, these are what matter most to people with this language.
    Distractions or multitasking can feel like distance. Full presence becomes the most precious gift.

    Whether it’s a walk, a quiet meal, or time to talk and really listen, connection is the heartbeat here.

    5. Physical Touch

    Hugs, hand-holding, a gentle back rub, a reassuring hand on the shoulder, these expressions of physical closeness speak volumes.
    It’s intimacy expressed as a grounded sense of felt presence.

    For those who speak this language, touch is a deep source of comfort, love, and connection.

    Why It Matters

    Knowing your own love language helps you ask for what truly nourishes you.
    Knowing someone else’s helps you give in ways that truly matter to them.

    Love, after all, is not one-size-fits-all.
    When we learn each other’s languages, we start to love not just from instinct, but from intention.

God and the Language of Love

“The minute I heard my first love story, I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere. They’re in each other all along.” - Rumi

God is not only the Source of love, but also the Beloved, the Divine Lover who longs for a relationship that is intimate, reciprocal, and alive. As we deepen our friendship with God, we begin to notice that the very same ways love manifests in human relationships are also alive in the sacred dance between us and the Divine.

God seeks not just to give love, but to be known, encountered, and loved in return. And just as in any relationship, understanding how love is expressed and received can open the doorway to greater intimacy.

Here are some ideas of how the Five Love Languages show up in the spiritual life, with God loving you and you loving God in return.

1. Words of Affirmation: Love is expressed through kind, encouraging, or appreciative words that uplift, affirm and communicate care and value.

 
 

How God speaks love to you

From the very beginning, God has been speaking love into creation. In the opening of the Gospel of John, we read:

“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.” (John 1:1)

The “Word” (Logos) refers to the living, creative intelligence of God, present before time began. Through the Word, all things came into being. God speaks, and the world comes into being. The universe responds to this voice, a voice that continues to echo through time, calling everything and everyone into being. That same voice is still speaking. Into your heart. Into your life. Into your becoming.

The Word is not only close to God; the Word is God. A word that creates. A word that connects. A word that seeks communion. “...and the Word was God.” John is revealing the divine nature of the Word.

God expresses love through language: through sacred texts and music, through dreams and poetry, through a line in a book, or a kind word from a stranger.

God affirms us again and again. God's voice is always offering truth, blessing, and belonging. Words that remind us we belong. Words that call us Beloved:

“I have loved you with an everlasting love.” (Jeremiah 31:3)

“You are precious in my sight, and honored, and I love you.” (Isaiah 43:4)

“Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you.” (Jeremiah 1:5)

“You are fearfully and wonderfully made.” (Psalm 139:14)

 
 
God's words are steady reminders of your inherent worth and belovedness, words that remind you that you are deeply seen, wholly known, and unconditionally loved.

You are seen.

You are known.

You are loved.

Just as you are.

 
 

How You Speak Love to God

Just as God speaks love into your life through words of truth, tenderness, and affirmation, you too can respond with the offering of your own voice. Words spoken, sung, or written.

  • You speak love to God when you offer words of gratitude:
    “Thank You for walking with me when I was lost.”
    “Thank You for the breath in my lungs, for the sunrise, for the quiet moments I didn’t know I needed.”

  • You speak love to God when you lift up praise:
    “You are my refuge, my strength, the One who knows me and stays.”
    “You are holy. You are good. You are near.”

  • Even your whispers of honesty, when you are unsure, afraid, or in awe, can become offerings of love:
    “I don’t know where I’m going, but I trust You’re with me.”
    “Help me see You today.”
    “I love You.”

Your words matter. Whether they come through song, through a quiet journal entry, or in the stillness of your heart, they reach the heart of God.

To speak love to God is to open your inner world and share it freely, vulnerably, sincerely. Love God with your voice, in whatever way feels most true to you.

You do not need eloquence. Just sincerity.
You do not need to say much. Just say what’s real.

Even one word, “Thank You” or “Here I am”, can carry the full weight of your love.

2. Quality Time: Love is expressed through presence, focused attention, and shared moments that nurture connection and togetherness.

 
 

How God spends time with you

God desires to be with you. From the earliest pages of Scripture, we see a God who walks with Adam and Eve in the cool of the day, who meets Moses face-to-face as a friend, who dwells among the people in a tabernacle, and later, in the person of Jesus, chooses to live among us. Emmanuel=God with us.

  • "They heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden at the time of the evening breeze.” (Genesis 3:8)

  • "Thus the Lord used to speak to Moses face to face, as one speaks to a friend." (Exodus 33:11)

  • "And have them make me a sanctuary, so that I may dwell among them." (Exodus 25:8)

  • "'Look, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and they shall name him Emmanuel,' which means, 'God is with us.'" (Matthew 1:23)

God is not distant. God delights in shared presence. God’s love is revealed in the quiet ways the Divine sits with you, in your joy and sorrow, in your questions and wonderings, in the daily rhythm of your life. God’s time is never rushed. God lingers. Waits. Walks at your pace. Holds space for you.

  • “My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.” (Exodus 33:14)

  • “The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness; He will quiet you by his love.” (Zephaniah 3:17)

To be with God is to know you are never alone. You are accompanied. You are held in sacred presence, even when you don’t feel it.

God gives you the gift of divine attention. In every moment you turn toward the Presence, whether in prayer, silence, nature, or daily life, you enter into sacred time with the One who is already with you.

 
 

How you give time to God

Spending quality time with God is about turning toward that presence with your own loving attention. It means making time for the relationship, not out of duty, but from a place of desire. From the longing to simply be with the One who sees you. Even ten minutes of undivided attention can become holy ground.

Quality time with God may look like:

  • Sitting in silence and letting your soul breathe in God's nearness.

  • Taking a slow walk and noticing the sacred in creation.

  • Reading sacred texts with openness, not to get through it, but to encounter something deeper.

  • Lighting a candle, closing your eyes, and simply being still.

  • Setting aside time just to be with God, like you would for someone you love.

There is no formula. Just the gift of your attention. The gift of your presence. In a world of distraction, your quiet time with God becomes a sacred act of love. It says: You matter to me. I want to be with You. My time is Yours.

 
 

To love God with your time is to let your minutes become a sanctuary.

To let your attention become an altar.

To make space for God, who is always making space for you.

 
 

3. Acts of Service: Love is expressed through thoughtful actions, offering help, support, or care in ways that ease burdens, meet needs, and make life more beautiful.

 
 

How God serves you

From daily breath to divine protection, from unexpected kindness to inner healing, God constantly meets your needs, often before you know how to ask.

Throughout Scripture, we encounter a God whose love is revealed through both gentle care and powerful action: feeding the hungry, healing the broken, guiding the lost, defending the vulnerable, and protecting the people. From manna in the wilderness to parting the Red Sea, from leading through the desert to Jesus washing the feet of His disciples, divine love takes form through acts that sustain, deliver, and restore.

From the earliest pages, God provides for creation with intention and generosity. God clothes Adam and Eve when they feel exposed (Genesis 3:21), gives water from a rock to a thirsty people (Exodus 17:6), and travels with them as cloud by day and fire by night (Exodus 13:21–22).

In Jesus, we see the fullness of divine service. He feeds the hungry, touches the untouchable, heals the sick, calms storms, and lifts the brokenhearted. And in one of the most intimate moments, He kneels to wash the feet of His friends (John 13:4–5, 12–17).

  • “The Son of Man came not to be served, but to serve.” (Matthew 20:28)

God’s acts of service are often quiet, always consistent expressions of love that tend to the body, mind, and soul.

  • God notices when you are tired and offers rest.

  • God shows up in moments of despair with unexpected provision.

  • God opens paths where there seemed to be none.

  • God continues to carry you, even when you don’t realize it

How you serve God

You love God by loving others. Every act of care, done with humility, joy, and intention, is an expression of devotion. Even the smallest gesture becomes a living prayer.

You serve God by feeding the hungry, by listening deeply, by showing up for someone who needs you.

You serve God when you tend to the earth, carry someone’s sorrow, or share your gifts generously.

  • “Whatever you did for one of the least of these... you did for Me.” (Matthew 25:40)

Even in the work that no one sees, love is being offered: Folding laundry. Making a meal. Picking up trash. Holding space for another. These too are sacred acts when offered with love.

To serve with love is to say with your actions: “I am here. I care. I give myself in love.”

4. Receiving Gifts: Giving meaningful items that show consideration, presence of mind and care. These gifts become tangible expressions of thoughtfulness and connection.

 
 

How God gives to you

“Every good gift, every perfect gift, is from above, coming down from the Father of lights.” (James 1:17)

God is the most generous giver. God’s love often arrives wrapped in the physical world. Creation itself is a love gift, abundant, unearned, and overflowing with signs of care. Nature is not random; it is relational. It reflects a divine intention to sustain, to nourish, and to inspire. The Earth is God’s generosity made visible.

Throughout history, God has also gifted the world with spiritual masters, prophets, sages, and awakened beings, like Jesus, Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), Buddha Shakyamuni and many others. Their lives and teachings illuminate timeless truths, expand our capacity for compassion, and invite us into greater awareness and purpose. They offer pathways for inner transformation and remind us of the sacredness of life. Through them, we are drawn closer to the Divine and awakened to our higher potential.

The Holy Spirit is another beautiful gift, God’s living presence within and around us, guiding, empowering, comforting, and transforming. The Spirit strengthens us in weakness, brings clarity in confusion, and fills us with peace beyond understanding. It is the breath of God moving through us, awakening truth and stirring us toward love and service.

As described in 1 Corinthians 12:8–10, the Holy Spirit also bestows nine specific gifts:

  • “To one there is given through the Spirit a message of wisdom, to another a message of knowledge by means of the same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by that one Spirit, to another miraculous powers, to another prophecy, to another distinguishing between spirits, to another speaking in different kinds of tongues, and to still another the interpretation of tongues.”

These gifts are not for individual glory but for the good of all, meant to strengthen community, reveal the Divine, and support the collective unfolding of love.

How you offer gifts to God

You offer gifts to God when you share what you have: your time, your resources, your creativity. A meal offered in hospitality. An act of generosity to someone in need. Each becomes a sacred offering.

In the Scriptures, people brought oil, grain, first fruits, music, and even tears as offerings. What you bring today might be a simple song, a handmade object, a bouquet from your garden, a handwritten prayer. These small gifts, offered with love, become holy.

  • “Honor the Lord with your substance and with the first fruits of all your produce.” (Proverbs 3:9)

You can also give God your pain, your tears, your longing. The most precious gift is your open heart. To give to God is to respond to love with love.

5. Physical Touch: Offering care and affection through appropriate physical connection such as a warm embrace, a gentle touch or simply being near in a way that communicates safety and love.

 
 

How God touches you

Through the sacred sense of touch, the Divine meets us in one of the most intimate and immediate ways. From our first breath, we are embraced by the world around us: the warmth of the sun on our skin, the softness of grass beneath our feet, the cool caress of water as we swim. These sensations are physical expressions of a loving Presence that surrounds and sustains us. Nature becomes one of God’s oldest and most faithful languages of touch. Earth, wind, fire, and water all remind us that our bodies are designed for communion with the sacred. God is not distant in the heavens but intimately near, closer than we often realize.

God also touches us through others. Yet we must acknowledge that for many, human touch has not always been safe or loving. If you have experienced harm through physical or sexual abuse, know that this was not love and it was not God. The sacredness of touch was never meant to violate or wound.

Still, healing is possible. With time, safety, and gentleness, touch can be rediscovered as a source of comfort and truth. Our bodies are good, worthy, and holy. A comforting embrace, a hand held in grief, the caring presence of a trusted friend or partner, these moments can become vessels of divine tenderness. When given and received with mutual care, consent, and presence, human touch offers a glimpse of God’s nearness and nurturing love.

This sacred touch is also revealed through conscious, reverent sexuality. When touch is shared with love, presence, and devotion, it becomes a pathway into divine communion. In moments of deep connection and vulnerability, when souls meet through the body, we may experience a taste of union with the Divine. Sexuality is not merely physical but profoundly spiritual. To offer or receive pleasure with reverence and wholehearted presence is to feel something of how God might touch without fear, without shame, with complete love.

Touch is never just physical. It is also spiritual. Our bodies are not separate from the sacred. They are vessels of it. As Scripture reminds us, “Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit?” (1 Corinthians 6:19). When we live fully present in our bodies, we open ourselves to experiencing the Divine not only around us, but within us. Embodiment is not an obstacle to spiritual life. It is one of its most powerful gateways.

How you touch God

You touch God each time you move through the world with reverence, presence, and love. Through your body, your hands, your breath, your gestures, connection becomes possible. Touching God is not an abstract idea. It happens in the physical and everyday.

You touch God through reverent gestures: lighting a candle with intention, holding a sacred object with care, bowing or prostrating in humility. These acts, simple as they may seem, become bridges between the visible and the invisible.

You touch God by using your body in devotion. Dance, movement, conscious breath, and sacred lovemaking all become forms of prayer when offered with awareness. In these embodied practices, the body becomes a sanctuary and the act a vessel for communion. When presence, vulnerability, and love converge, we open to a sacred intimacy that reflects divine union.

As Thich Nhat Hanh reminds us, “Walk as if you are kissing the Earth with your feet.” This simple practice turns each step into an act of communion, a tactile prayer of gratitude and reverence. In honoring the ground beneath you, you honor the Source of all life.

You touch God when you offer healing and care to others. In tending to another’s body with kindness, holding a hand, offering comfort, or sharing loving presence, you are tending to the sacred. The Divine dwells in each person, and in touching them with compassion, you are touching God.

  • The Song of Songs—also called the Song of Solomon or Canticles—is a book in the Hebrew Bible (Old Testament) that reads like a passionate love poem between two lovers. It’s deeply sensual, filled with vivid imagery of longing, desire, and union. On the surface, it’s romantic and erotic poetry, but for centuries, mystics and theologians have interpreted it as an allegory of the soul's love affair with the Divine.

    In Jewish and Christian mystical traditions, the Song of Songs is seen as a sacred map of intimacy between God and the soul, or between God and the collective (Israel, the Church, humanity, etc.). It's unique because it doesn’t focus on laws, doctrine, or even overt moral instruction—just love, longing, embodiment, and union.

    The Song of Songs affirms that divine love is holistic, engaging the body, heart, mind, and spirit. It invites us to see our spiritual life not just as a discipline, but as an unfolding love story—where we can both give and receive love in all its languages.

    Click here to read the text.

Spiritual Assignment:

Let your love language with God be fluent. Let it move in both directions. Let it be intimate, creative, and personal. You don’t have to get it right. You just have to keep showing up.

Ask yourself this week:

  • Which love language do I most naturally express to God?

  • Which one do I need to receive more deeply from God?

  • Where can I let this love flow into the way I live and love others?

Swaady Martin https://www.swaady.com
Previous

Reflection 10: I Live Inside God's Dream for Me
Next

Reflection 8: Where Do You Like to Meet?